


Would You Like Some Ice for That?

by Le_kunokimchi



Series: Together We're a 10/10 [2]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Dark Humor, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Ghost Ben Hargreeves, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Mild Language, Minor Angst, Platonic Relationships, Sibling Bonding, Sober Klaus Hargreeves, Swearing, ben hargreeves/klaus hargreeves if you squint, ben needs attention, my spooky duo, you cant ignore him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:33:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23352517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Le_kunokimchi/pseuds/Le_kunokimchi
Summary: One moment, he was feigning sleep: peaceful, unmoving, and easing into a world of dreams as his brother's pestering seemed to halt.But the next, he's jumping about two inches off the couch and letting out a startled yelp as a below zero limb swatted through his back. With eyes blown wide and glowering, he whips around to stare daggers at his snickering brother who had brought his legs lazily back about halfway.OR the one where Ben doesn't like being ignored by his brother and they both take their heated bantering a little too far. But worry not, Ben knows exactly how to cool his favorite brother down.
Relationships: Ben Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves
Series: Together We're a 10/10 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1678948
Comments: 4
Kudos: 235





	Would You Like Some Ice for That?

**Author's Note:**

> Just overall them being total assholes to each other because they love each other. It's not gonna be explicit Klaus x Ben, like you could totally read it with them as nothing more then really close brothers messing with each other. There's no specific time frame but Ben's a ghost so probs an au pre-canon. Ngl, the beginning is kinda angsty and a little at the end but it'll be a happy ending I promise.  
> ~enjoyy

Being a ghost had its perks.

You never had to sleep: you could stay up all night watching TV or reading until your wuss of a living brother couldn't pay the electric bill or was too tired to flip your book page. Typical.

You never needed food or water: this came in handy when your jobless brother spent a little too much money on skirts and then had to ration his meals until his next allowance came in. One less mouth to feed always made things easier. Thank god they had a wealthy father and lots of inheritance.

You never feel physical pain: you could sit anywhere and everywhere for hours and never get stiff. You could walk or float (whatever your preference) until your heart's content. You could even crouch over brother's drunken ass passed out on the floor poking his cheek until he wakes up. 

There were also some downsides of being a ghost though too.

You never had to sleep: you just sit there, staring into the endless void, counting down the seconds until your alive brother wakes up. It was awfully boring and you begin to question your existence.

You never needed food or water: you just watch as your brother eats your favorite food right in front of you because it's his favorite food too. You try to remember the taste and smell that's attached to the sight but it just rests at the very edge of your memories; forever out of reach but just close enough to make you remember that you remembered it. At least your brother always pulls out two plates, serves up two things of food, pours two cups of drinks. He pulls out a seat for you and sets up both places like you were alive and about to eat a meal with him. It's a kind gesture, especially when he barely gets by but still buys double of everything. You never have the heart to tell him that it actually makes you feel worse because then it's really out of your reach physically now.

You never feel physical pain: You feel emotional pain. The pain of not being able to sleep. The pain of not being able to eat. The pain of not being able to call 911 as your brother ODs. The pain of not being able to wrap your arms around his crying form and tell him that everything will be alright. The pain of not being able to tell your siblings that you are here, you are right in front of them, and yet they keep crying because you're gone. You don't feel anything. You are dead. You can't touch the living, breathing world. You just exist halfway in it; on one side of the same mirror, looking in at everything you can't have. But while ghosts scream in agony and despair, scream for help and acknowledgment, scream simply because they don't need to breathe and won't ever lose their voice... the only person who can hear them pushes them away. So you don't scream because you have the luxury of being his favorite brother. 

And he can't ignore you, not forever at least.

"Klausssss," Ben groaned in boredom, sitting upside down on the couch and letting his head fall over the side because he had the advantage of never having blood that could rush to it, and sadly, never making him fall unconscious. Sometimes, Klaus really wished he was alive.

Said brother dutifully ignored him, curled up on the other end of the couch and attempting to sleep. He thought that if he just ignored him enough, he'd go away; unfortunately, like all ghosts, he is stubborn and honestly has nothing better to do. 

"Klaus."

"Klaus."

"Klauuuuuussssss, I'm boredddd."  
He rolls over, brow furrowing in annoyance.

"Number Four, you lazy son of a bitch, how dare you ignore your favorite brother," he said in exasperation, now pulling himself up to sit on the couch like a normal human-ghost being.  
"I'm not your paranormal babysitter," Klaus muttered sleepily, not even bothering to open his eyes for fear that Ben would give him the puppy-dog eyes. He HATED the puppy-dog eyes.  
"Babysitter? Ha! You wish," the ghost replied dramatically, attempting to catch his brother's attention, "You're more like my royal buffoon."  
Klaus's nose wrinkled slightly before he shrugged in agreement. 

It was silent for a few moments then. A relieved sigh was about to escape Klaus's lips before the mantra of his name started again.  
"Klaus, Klaus, Klaus, Klaus-"  
"Jesus Christ," the brunette groaned, burying his head between the couch cushions.  
"Klaussss, Klaus! Hey Klaus! Klaus oh brother of mineee," Ben said in a sing-song tone, mimicking the exact pitch that his alive brother liked to reach to be especially infuriating.

"You can do this all day," he grumbled, "You forgot that I've had to ignore ghosts screaming my name literally every day of my life."  
"When you're sober of course," the ghost replied with a wink despite knowing that he was being tuned out, "Which today I have been blessed with a sober brother, yet you don't even wanna spend time with me? I'm offended."

No response. Not even a shrug of his shoulders. No click of the tongue, or sighing, or the slightest of swishes as his eyelashes brush the couch cushion. Nada. Nothing.  
The dead brother decides that it is time for drastic measures. If he wants to block out his voice, fine. He has... other methods.

Although Klaus couldn't touch him physically, there was always some kind of sensation when passing through a ghost. A deep chill; normal people could feel it too but don't really think much of it. Klaus, on the other hand, knew that the sudden drop of temperature meant that there were dead people touching him. Klaus was naturally cool to the touch compared to the average individual from being surrounded by the dead constantly, it made it near to impossible to stay warm enough at night. He would always wake up shivering from the ghastly spirits and absolutely hated walking through Ben because of the cold that would send a shock through his system and freeze him bone-deep.

A sly look appeared in number six's eyes as he laid along the length of the couch, slowly extending his legs closer and closer to his brother's curled up body.  
One moment, he was feigning sleep: peaceful, unmoving, and easing into a world of dreams as his brother's pestering seemed to halt.  
But the next, he's jumping about two inches off the couch and letting out a startled yelp as a below zero limb swatted through his back. With eyes blown wide and glowering, he whips around to stare daggers at his snickering brother who had brought his legs lazily back about halfway. 

"Ben," he warned, "I am this close to taking literally every pill I can find in the medicine cabinet just to get you to leave me the fuck alone."  
"Aw poor Klaus," he replied sickeningly sweet, "Maybe you shouldn't have been ignoring me then, hm? You forget that I know your weaknesses quite well. Besides, you've been sober for almost a year now, I'm calling your bluff."

"You're such an asshole," he seethed as rolled back over dismissively, curling even tighter into the corner of the sofa.

Ben reached his feet out again but realized that he was a little too short to reach him now that he was tucked securely in the corner. So, being the innovative brother he is, Ben stood up onto the couch and walked carefully towards Klaus. He smirked, closed his eyes, and then... he fell backward, landing right on top of his brother. 

This time, Klaus acted like he was thrown into a lake in the middle of the night. He hissed in rage before coughing and sputtering, his whole body taken by a nerve-rattling shudder. And Ben just laid there, a satisfied grin on his face.  
"GET THE FUCK OFF ME!" the medium shouted, "You'll give me hypothermia damn it!"

Ben gave an evil chuckle as he slid off of his brother's shivering form, choosing to sit on the ground right in front of Klaus's head. "You awake now? It's a nice day outside, let's go for a walk or something."  
"H-Hell no!" his brother shrieked in disbelief as he wrapped his arms tightly around himself.  
"Why," swiped his hand through Klaus's face, causing him to flinch and chatter his teeth, "Not?"

"If you do not stop, Benjamin, I swear to fucking god-"

"What? What will you do, hm? Lay here and pretend that I don't exist? Newsflash: you're already doing it."

"I would say that I'd kill you," his eyes darkens as he smirks, "But it seems She already did that for me."

"Ouch, low blow."

"It's not like I got anything to hit though."

"Man I feel like I've heard that one, you need more material. Dead jokes are getting kinda old, don't you think?" Ben said, dryly staring at his brother's annoyed and slightly malignant glare.

Klaus frowns and looks up in mock thought before replying bitterly, "Nah, it always knocks them dead."

"I get you're mad at me, but at least say some original puns-"  
Klaus quickly interrupted with venom on his tongue, "Why? You're the only one that's complaining and last I checked, I'm the only one who can actually hear you."

Ben bristled for a moment before deciding to push another one of Klaus's weaknesses: guilt. "Does it make you feel better?" he asked, raising an accusing eyebrow, "Does it feel good to go straight for someone's insecurities?"

"Yes, yes I feel quite dandy now. Thanks for asking," he said with a lazy smirk.

"Of course you are," Ben flashed a challenging grin, "Because you're all about 'feeling good'. I mean last year's bank statements can prove it."

Klaus flinched at that one; he had almost lost the apartment last year because of his drug addiction. He spent three months worth of rent on baggies of pills and took so many that he ODed that same night. After paying the hospital bill, he could barely afford to feed himself three times a week until he was given his monthly allowance in the fourth month. Times were hard, the house was quiet, and Klaus hadn't taken anything since. The worst he did now was smoke cigarettes. 

"Oh drop dead," he snapped. 

"Like you almost did?"

His voice cracked with emotion as he muttered, "No, like you actually did."

Before Ben could rip at another heartstring, he stopped to look at Klaus's face. His brother was adverting his eyes, but the pain was evident in them.  
Regret and guilt clawed at the ghost's insides as he realized that they hadn't talked about the OD. They hadn't talked about it in the hospital and they hadn't talked about it even now a year later. This was definitely not the way he wanted that conversation to be brought up. Guess it's better late than never, right?

"Sorry, I shouldn't have-"  
"No," Klaus interrupted, turning on his side to fully face him, "It was my bad. I was being a dick. Sorry Benny, I was really craving a fix today and was scared of getting up and eventually relapsing. I shouldn't have ignored my favorite brother."

The tension eased out of Ben's shoulders as he smiled, "Well I was being a little shit so..."  
He'll bring up the OD some other day, he decided. Klaus was being honest with him now and actually opening-up so it'd be best to postpone the sensitive topic. 

"And that's any different from usual how?"

"Oh you just keep coming with the roasts today, don't you?" Ben asked in mocked hurt, a hand dramatically on his forehead just like Klaus does when he's wanting the attention.

"Why? Would you like some ice for that burn?"

Ben's eyes lit up in mischief as he said, "I don't know, would YOU like some ice?" before quickly headbutting right through Klaus's head.  
"BEN! YOU LITTLE PIECE OF-" both of Klaus's hands immediately gripped the sides of his head as his eyes screwed shut in pain, "Fuck... You gave me a fucking brain freeze!"


End file.
